Time in Thought, Utah

I don't hate my job. I mean, yes there are times when it just plain sucks but overall, especially out here in the field with the guys, I like being an Infantryman. What is taking a toll is my writing and I am starting to worry that soon I will lose my talent; have it fade away and be replaced with weapon statistics, battle drills and FM numbers. I fear that in the near future there will be nothing for me but the Army.

My dreams might seem a little big, even may appear to try and mimic a television character, but the truth is I just want to write, mainly I want the time to write. Before coming to Utah I was doing my best to expand a short story I wrote a year ago so that it would be publication ready for the University of Pittsburgh's literary magazine. Looking at my high school transcripts and knowing that I will need to retake the SATs, I decided that being published in the university's magazine would make me a shoe-in, coupled with a strong essay.

Studying at Pitt is mainly just for the experience, plus being a 25 year old freshman who used to be in the infantry will have its perks with the young ladies looking to experience life. By the time I reach college though I want a first draft of "Heaven Ain't Close" to be complete. I want to take my main character over a three novel arch. The second and third novels revolving around Louisiana and the effects of Russ' relationships on my own pursuits. I am sure Afghanistan will provide me with enough material for a fourth novel, whether or not it will follow my protagonist or not, I am not certain.

After graduating from Pitt, I am not sure what I will do. I really don't want to do any conventional jobs but I am afraid that if my talent doesn't grow exponentially, then living off the money from my novels will be impossible and I will be back at the nine to five or worse, be back in the Army. Lucky would be being able to drink and write for the rest of my life with no rush, just taking life at my own pace.

I'm not worried about being famous, I just want to be good and good enough to live comfortably with little work. So for now I press on, training with the guys. If the life of a famous writer is to come I welcome it, it's just that right now it is not meant to be. Right now, it is meant to play out in my dreams. There is too much going on to worry my head about what to do in the years to come.