Disgruntled Employee

Six fucking years. Six years I have played the game. Followed the rules, kept the fire going while everyone sat there telling me not to bother. What a fool I was. Now, as I try my damnedest to give it my all, I get the same role I have been given for my entire career. Bitch boy.

There is all types of bullshit that the Army has to deal with and I have been the one to fucking do it. Now I am stuck with the rejects, the ones no one wants and the ones that don't want to be there. Fucking babies who need me to wipe their mouths and asses every second. But they are not the worst, no, the ones with shitty leadership that I get stuck taking care of because these "men" can't take care of themselves, they are the worst.

It's the job though, so I don't get as angry as I may appear. No, I suck it up and deal with whatever issue that comes my way. What gets me the most though is the loss of my soul. The loss of individuality, of goals, hopes, the freedom to make a decision. The Army doesn't allow this when you are a leader, and I now understand why there are so many "shitty" leaders out there today. The Army just wants to blind us with their corporate goals and have it appear that we are making the decision to "better our life."

"You are molding young men to be the best in their field, the future leaders and that is experience you can take with you when you leave."

"You get to go to college and get a paycheck at the same time. All college paid for by us."

"Meals and housing paid for. No utilities. Your paycheck is for you to spend as you see fit."

All bullshit. Bullshit that I spent the past six years defending. Why? Because deep down inside I believe in the system and want to see it succeed. Yet after awhile, reality sits in. Those young men turn out to be unmotivated idiots that didn't belong in the military in the first place. The experience you get is how to make the smart ones understand and how to flush out the turds.

If you have the time, and smarts, for college sure you can do it. The only point to it though is to help you get promotion points for the military and most likely after six years you will have a bullshit degree in something you didn't want from a bullshit college.

The free meals and housing are nice but let's face the facts. The food is better in prison and the portions are bigger. The efficiency that I am sharing with my roommate doesn't really allow for privacy which, when you are trying to concentrate on anything, you can't focus because every one and every thing is watching you. I now understand why Hemingway kept a second apartment and Bukowski drank and wrote alone.

All of this sounds like a bitch fest and it really is, but I am losing it here. Someone's soldier is here doing some retarded Army class on my computer because he couldn't get it to work on his. Been here for hours and all I want is to be left alone. I hear my roommate typing away at his keyboard, talking to his bitches and the sound is pecking away at my brain. I'm screaming inside my head, I want to get away. I have been stuck in this room for the past week, thinking I was going to get some work done, instead I have just become angry at the world.

I just want to be alone for now. Just for once be able to sit here in the quiet.