It Doesn't Matter What You Do

When all you have is your past to remember, it is hard to comprehend the idea of other people's lives moving forward. You sit down at your computer and let a slide show of your closest friends play across the screen, drink from your tall glass of whiskey and get excited about going home and getting back on track with where you left off the last time you were home.

So long ago.

Then as the slide show finishes and you kill the rest of the whiskey, you decide to catch up with a good friend from back home. Sure, you don't have a lot of friends but absence creates them as time goes on. Most of them just want to have an excuse to be crazy and have a wild time. Others are looking to recapture that same past you yearn for and yet, every one misses it all.

The crazy moments are constant, the drinks never seem to end and the pussy is always wet, and there you sit. You're not hungover because you stay drunk during your entire visit, you just feel like shit though. Sitting there with another tall whiskey you try to figure out how you got here, a tourist in your hometown. How did a life that was planned so well do a complete one-eighty and fuck you in the ass?

Before you knew you were leaving this town, you knew how the next five years would be. Then your stupid ass wanted to change it up, live life, see the world and be apart of something big. And that is all you are left with.

Now, whenever someone mentions your high school sweetheart you don't say "Damn, I should see how she is doing," instead you wonder what she has been up to and let her memory fade to the back of your mind. It's the same thing with any other woman you loved after her. They are all a memory, either a good one, a bad one, a kinky one it doesn't matter what kind of memory it is, they all leave you feeling the same way, lonesome.

You remember the ones you were sure would have worked out for the best, the ones that you thought would still be there when you finally returned home to settle down. Instead, they have faded away. Moved on for better things you are sure and you feel good knowing that they are happy because you know that you would have been an asshole. Sure there are still a few good women out there that would love to spend the rest of their lives with you, but you don't want them because you don't want to add another heartbreak to the trophy case.

So you finish another drink, decide that it is time to lay down and pray for three things; a woman to pass the time with, that you are drunk when you awake and that your days are almost over.